Flashbacks
by FiendisHSerapH
Summary: *Killua/you-ll-be-shocked-when-you-know!* "A fanfic of a fanfic". I can't summarize, just read and review pls!


Author's Notes: 

This song fic is some sort of "a fanfiction of a fanfiction" because I made this one as a follow-up for the fic entitled, "The Lines to Cross, the Bonds to Break". I wrote this story with LEGAL permission from the author "Ayanagi_kou" or "Ayanagi" so please DON'T SUE ME! And I am not making money here, you know! You may find the story at sarjhoshino's site, Angelic Assassin at http://angelickirua.topcities.com (It has a new layout now, KAWAII!) and also if you're a member of the "Hunter_x_Hunter" Yahoo! Group, you may find it there. Anyway, this story happened AFTER the story itself so I suggest that you red the main story first, as you may not get what happened. Anyway, that's all and enjoy!

Oh, and the song I used in this fic is "It's Too Late", Weib Kreuz's 2nd ending theme. Please don't sue me, I repeat. I didn't change the lyrics and I didn't make this for the sheer sake for money (As Leorio may have done ^_^;) And the pairing featured here is Killua/you'll-know-if-you've-read-the-main-fic (she's one of the Spiders!) is just the product of ayanagi_kou's creative imagination and even mine as well. For those who hate this pairing, don't read. Anyway, that's it and on with the main story…

"FLASHBACKS" 

**PART ONE: IT'S TOO LATE**

The night was dim, cold and grim. Heavy rain poured down from the heavy black clouds above, as if releasing its distress to the earth below. And now I am here, numb, walking carelessly, senselessly…

"Why, why? Why does it have to be that way? Why?" "WHY?" 

I weakly whispered to the stinging wind along with each limp step. I raised my line of vision to the heavens above as soon as I stopped on an empty sidewalk. Rain fell down all over me, all over my pale-stricken face. I stared blankly u on the sky. The memories, the memories are still there…

The memories… the memories are still… haunting me… 

"NOOOOOO!!!!" I screamed with all my might, trying to stop her attacker, Kurapika, that is. I screamed, trying to make him stop that fatal move over her.

She just stared and froze there, that helpless girl, that helpless girl whom I love…

But no, I just can't. I just can't make him stop. I just can't make him have at least a little compassion. I know this is his chance… his chance to make her pay.

I just can't do it… because…

**…the chains constricted, crushing her into tiny nothings…**

Anger drastically drifted out of my body.

My scream echoed throughout the whole hotel. I ran to her and hugged what was left of her, of that pitiful girl.

It's just too drastic. Things and events blurred into oblivion as I grieved over the girl who is so special to me.

And now, I'm here, just cherishing the very few moments she has spent with me: Those sweet moments she reserved for me, and only for me. I sighed as soon as I reminded myself that I can't bring her back.

It's… it's just too late… 

Suddenly, my sentimental side rushed end enveloped my whole being. I'm here in my pessimistic and down side. I heard a song from nowhere, and I shut my eyes tightly, still wishing that when I flutter them open, I'll still be with the person I wholly love. I wish it was only a terrible nightmare where I can suddenly rose awake if I don't like it.

And that person, that person's name is Machi, and nobody else… 

"**Like the flames I lost you to, sadness overwhelms me, too**

**The rain sends shivers down my spine and seeps into my memory.**

**Who was it that loves you so? Who was it that hates you so?**

**I gasp in pain- the memories begin to swirl inside my mind."**

Even before we begin our mission, I am torn between two emotions—HATE AND LOVE. Should I hate you because you're one of our worst fiends, the Spider? Or should I love you because for me you're someone else—you're someone whom nobody else can replace. You're special. My mind dictates me to despise you because its just more sensible to be that way and I'll be turning my friends' expectations down, especially Kurapika, who really considers this thing of prime importance, this revenge. But people say that the heart can overpower the mind sometimes, especially when you already feel that 'fuzzy feeling' deep inside you. And yes, I do agree because now I can attest to it.

**"Should I believe in what we did then?"**

This is the question that bothers me. If you love me, why did you leave me, alone here, to suffer in this sick place called earth? Sometimes I think that it's all only a part of your plan so that it's easier for you to eradicate us in your plans. Should I believe in those compassion and all those sweet thoughts you have for me? Should I…? 

**"And if I do leave you behind and feel regret again."**

But yes, I did… I believed it all. WHAT A GREAT FOOL I AM! But why did I? It's because you're such a great prankster. You're like a poisonous bee disguising to be a pretty fascinating and stunning butterfly.

But to tell you the truth, you caught me with your bait because now I can't seem to forget you. Your pretty snobby eyes which turned out to be friendly at times when you pleaded me to go out to the balcony. Did you remember that? That's he time when I grew fond of you. Your lovely blue-purple hair that seemed to bring us closer to each other and for me to be closer to your full, luscious lips. That's what I can't forget and shake off my mind about you. You have this certain charisma that is so hard to resist. But now, I can't feel you for the second time. I can't push rewind…

**"Is this the way to say goodbye , love? When you and I had promises yet to fulfill?"**

Because you said goodbye, unpredictably, so unexpectedly. It's so sudden that all I have to do now is to recall, recall those hazy memories with you. Is this the way to end your life? No, I don't agree. You promised me something, don't you remember? You promised me that you'll love me… forevermore. But no, you can't fulfill it right now… cause you're there, a million miles away from me, somewhat like the distance between the earth and sky. And now all that I am left of you is…

"The kiss you placed upon my heart, there still remains a lonely mark, can't seem to lose the memories of when we met in the dark."

… the kiss, that deep kiss tat seemed a decade long while it lasted, but then when you're gone, the sweet taste of your lips turned out to be very bitter as each moment passes while you're away, never to return to me… never to return in my life.

"And as I sigh, I can feel you once again, but it fades just as it begun."

As I breathe lightly, I can measure your proximity and distance to me, the faint trail of your shampoo is getting dissolved deep into my nerves. I can feel your every movement and I can smell your sweet smell. But then, the violent blows it all away, carrying with it your sweetness and fragility. And I'm left here with nothing, nothing to live by your memory.

"Why are we born into this life? Why do we die into the night?" 

Since you're gone, I began asking these questions to myself. I've lost my sense of purpose since you've been gone. Why did you die into this night? You're just like a bright candle that served me light and guided me towards a feeling that is hard to understand--- LOVE. But, as the night slowly progresses, the flame just flickers until it's just totally blown away by the merciless wind.

"It seems the only one who ever knows these things is the rain, which takes my tears, keeps them oh so far at bay, until love fades away…"

So by now, the only one who understands me is the rain, the rain that joins me in my terrible grief. The rain that somehow eases the pain I feel and keeps my tears from being too obvious in plain view of anyone who knew me well… an assassin, a cold-hearted assassin who musn't feel any emotion. But, no… after I felt love I just can't help myself, and no, I won't let go of this love, even though it turned out to be very tragic for the two of us. **No, I won't let it go…**

"Who was it that screamed n fear? Who was it that dreamed in tears? I hear the voices but the faces have been washed away for years"

Up till now, the voices echoed in my mind. The screams of pain and of great anguish. And your seemingly little choking voice when your cried your heart away after being caught by Hisoka lavishing each moment I stayed with you, no, not only as a hostage, but also as a friend you've been looking for who can somehow join you at the balcony and under he pastel sky, the pallid stars, and the pale moonlight. Someone whom you will share the moment very special to lovers only—being with each other, having touched each others lips passionately, and holding each other only in a dimension you can call only your own. And yet, these moments seemed to be drowned away already. To me it seemed to be so distant and as if it took place for years already. But your face, those fascinating features of your face… I'll never forget it… probably…

"I fear there's nothing that I can do, Soaked by the rain I stand upon the concrete sobbing now."

… although I am having second thoughts right now. Because the more I remember your angelic face, the more I am stabbed deep in my heart, the more I am getting hurt and the more I'm being reminded that you're only a distant memory that is now impossible to reach and to hold close. I fear that there's nothing more I can do… cause by now I think I look pathetic standing here and sobbing like a total fool. No, I just can't picture myself crying like this all the time of my life.

"It seems so long since I last held you, and even longer since the last time that you smiled…"

Plus, I can't escape the fact that although it only happened this night, it seemed so long since I held you very close to me, and the time that you smiled seemed like a century away. That thought saddened me even more and caused more tears to roll down my eyes.

        "This rain that hides my tears away, this rain that turns the world to gray. Those happy memories of you and I are slashed in the night…" 

Right, I think I should hide my tears through this rain and also, let this rain turn this colorful world with you into gray… those happy memories of us that ended ever so abruptly in this tragedy night. Those happy memories of you; when you smiled so sweetly, when your lovely hair was strewn with the wind, turning you to be the most captivating sight I have ever seen in my whole life. And also when your gorgeously saccharine lips touched my innocent ones. That feeling when I held you in close proximity to me… your sweet scent that lingers on my senses, the sugary feel of your lips… *sigh* Those colorful moments will turn into gray, since this moment…

"Fading so fast, as I watched them helplessly. All my tears have begun to overflow…"

With the rain overflowing on the empty, flooded street, I am here, grieving deeply over your loss. Thinking all these thoughts that are greatly maddening and all so bitter makes me want to be away, away from here. I should, I should fly away and be left alone by myself. Oh, and also away from my friends, especially Gon.  I know he's deeply angry and hurt with what I've done. Probably he'll bury me with his jeers as soon as I show up to them. And that's the reason why I must cut a break. I know they'll blame me, or I'll not be welcome anymore. That's why I must leave… I SHOULD leave.

"This rain that washes pain away, this rain that blows the flames away, and lets the dreamers dream of songs to sing, releases the life. And takes my tears, keeps them oh so far at bay…"

By now, the rain ceases gradually, I can feel it… and together with it, my pain starts to cease. The feelings of regret somewhat drains out of my heave-burdened heart. These emotions deeply seeded starts to be light as I have already whispered my sorrows through the rain. And now the rain has ceased, I think these feelings of mine should end as well. Having thought of it well this time, I realized that grieving would do me no good. I need to let this pain slowly melt away. But no, not you, Machi, my dearest. I'll never let you slip away. I'll never let you go, no matter what all the others say. I may not have feelings for you as strong as before, nor the pain and all the special love I have for you, but surely you'll be a special friend of mine. Yes, a very special friend of mine who turned out to be kind, sweet and… lovely. *sigh* I can't explain. I can't help adoring you up till this time. But I know I should try hard to forget my special feelings for you. I know it'll be hard and pain staking, but I'll try, I'll really try. By no, I should be let alone, all by myself. To contemplate, to search, and to heal myself. Right, I should be like this…

"Until love fades away…"

I should forget and unload and that's why I MUST GO

"Until love fades away…"

~OWARI~

AUTHOR'S END NOTES:  *sigh* Another fic… it's so deranged, don't ya think? But anyway, I'm just following the trail of the song. And the 'you' Killua's talking to is Machi herself, in case you don't get it (but I am sure no one got it) I just hope that you'll review this fic. So, go ahead, and press the button at the left corner of the page. HURRY!! 


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